It was my first trip there since the series ended, and, upon walking in, I asked the waitress, “Where was Tony?”

There were no more words needed. She knew that I was asking “Where was Tony sitting in the final episode?”

It reminded me of the only time I’ve ever visited Dealey Plaza, the place in Dallas where president John F. Kennedy was assassinated.

As new tourists arrive in the plaza, they ask two questions. The first is, “Where was he?” There are no extra words needed; the question refers to where the president was when the bullets hit.

The second question, accompanied by a gesture toward the Texas Book Depository, is “Which was one was it?” That question refers to the window where police say the assassin perched.

I asked my friend and fellow blogger Larry O’Connor, who sees deep into the human experience, about what these sparse conversations meant. He said that they reflected an understanding so embedded among some groups that words were scarcely necessary.

For a fan of “The Sopranos,” the question, “Where was Tony?” is sufficient. For an American who remembers JFK’s death, few words would be needed in Dealey plaza.

It made me wonder about my team — and yours. What values, thoughts, habits, are so embedded and perfectly understood that no further explanations are needed?

If you play for the New York Yankees, the expectation is clear: win the World Series. If you played hoops under Pat Summitt at the University of Tennessee, you knew you were going to work hard. If you join the women’s soccer team at the University of North Carolina, you better be ready to compete in practice, because that program is about internal competition.

In my years as a sports writer, I worked with certain understandings: you’re going to write a story, you’re going to get it in on time, and it will be the best story you can possibly produce in that amount of time.

We’re talking about your team culture. How are things done? How well are they done? How often are they done?

In my earliest days in the newspaper business, I got a lesson in team culture. One day our department was getting a lot of heat from the big editors. “Don’t worry,” said my boss. “It will blow over in a day or so.”

That editor knew from experience that the sudden emphasis on quality and accountability would not last long.

How about in your group? The people there have a deep understanding of something. The question is, “What?” What do they really believe about the way things are done? Will you keep your emphasis on quality, or will things blow over? The answer to that question will determine how successful your team is.

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That question more and more is drawing the attention of businesses. In this Harvard Business Review article, researcher Sandy Pentland concludes that patterns of communication mean more than factors like intelligence, personality, skill, and the substance of discussions combined.

But what exactly are patterns of communication?

Pentland has developed a badge that measures the energy, body language and even the places where people communicate. Strangely enough, the badge doesn’t measure — or care about — the substance of the communication. It just collects data on how people interact.

If you’re a coach, boss or leader of any kind, the video in the article can help you think about your team.

As a clue, listen to what Pentland says about the personality type that best predicts a team’s success: a charismatic connector. This is the person who goes from team member to team member, asking their opinion on certain issues.

This Psychology Today article goes into the subject of charismatic connectors. It said, “In brainstorming sessions with teams whose social style was similar to these charismatic connectors, the resulting quality of the talking was characterized by high levels of listening, more even-handed turn-taking, and high levels of engagement, trust, and cooperation.”

Who knows? Perhaps Jeremy Lin is a charismatic connector, and that helps explain why the New York Knicks improved with him in the lineup.

Do you know enough about charismatic connectors? Do you have one on your team?

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Would you like to improve at what you do? “The Improvement Factor: How Winners Turn Practice into Success” can show you how! Are you a coach? “Ten Things Great Coaches Know” can make you a better one.

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”

Those words capture so much of what coaching should be about. The job of a leader is more than just giving orders or creating wins and losses. It’s about making a difference in lives.

At the school where I coach, headmaster Tom Nammack gathers the coaches for a talk before the school year begins. He always makes it a point to say, “The two hours the child spends with you every day might be the best two hours of his or her day.”
The older I get, the more I appreciate what he is saying. No one has it all, and the one you least suspect — the person who seems to have everything together — could be suffering on the inside.

That’s why leaders should look at those under their care as more than pieces to be placed into a strategic puzzle. They are human beings, who need support, guidance, challenge, fun and meaning.

Coach Pritchard, who is my co-author on “Ten Things Great Coaches Know,” told me another quote that leaders can keep in mind. It goes, “Never let the problem be solved become greater than the person to be loved.”

My friend Dr. Carl McGown, who has coached championship volleyball teams all over the world, has said, “It’s not important whether they love you. What’s important is that you love them.”
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Would you like to improve at what you do? “The Improvement Factor: How Winners Turn Practice into Success” can show you how! Are you a coach? “Ten Things Great Coaches Know” can make you a better one.

She had designed a strong practice, and tried to set the tone by writing a quote on top of her whiteboard. It said, “The power of focus is what separates those who are good from those who are great.”

When practice began, things didn’t look so great. Her players kept making basic mistakes, and the drills died almost as quickly as they started.

During a water break, I asked the coach how she kept her composure when such a well-designed practice didn’t seem to be producing results.

She nodded toward the quote she had written on the whiteboard. “My focus,” she said, “is to help them get better.”

Her answer was as profound as it was simple. She starts practice with a focus on improvement, and she stays with that focus no matter what happens. No wonder her team has improved so much this season.

It reminds me of coach John Tortorella, whose New York Rangers just clinched top seed in the Eastern Conference of the National Hockey League. He talks about the daily challenge of trying to get a little better.

So does Jim Harbaugh, who led the San Francisco 49ers to the NFL playoffs last year.

It turns out that the “power of focus” applies not only to athletes, but to their coaches as well.

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Would you like to improve at what you do? “The Improvement Factor: How Winners Turn Practice into Success” can show you how! Click here.

I’m not sure if Yankees Manager Joe Girardi has seen the video, but his drive to improve has brought a motivational gem to the clubhouse.

As related in this story by Mark Feinsand of the New York Daily News, Girardi wants each player to pick out a motivational quote, read it to the team, and explain what it means to him.

Girardi came up with the idea because, in the way outlined by Coach Bertman, he was looking for a better way to use the daily 15 minutes he spends with the team.

I can’t wait to try this idea with my own players. It works on so many levels: it forces the player to do some research, it tells his teammates a little bit about him; it applies to everyone on the team; and it reflects Girardi’s drive to find better ways of doing things.

Of course, this exercise is like any other in the sense that the players can either go through the motions or get into it. Some players will forget about it until the last minute, then grab a quick quote from the Internet on the way to the ballpark.

Others, like Alex Rodriguez apparently did, take great care and make their time with the team a meaningful one.

Many thanks to Fred McMane, an excellent coach at Foxcroft school in Virginia, for sending the article.

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Carmelo Anthony, who will be on the court with Lin and the New York Knicks when he returns from a groin injury, is answering questions over whether he will share the ball.

And Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals is facing the charge that he is basking in his “rock star” status.

Interviewed on ESPN’s “SportsCenter,” Anthony replied to suggestions that he is a selfish player.

“That’s like a slap in the face,” Anthony told Stephen A. Smith. “None of my teammates I’ve ever played with would say that I was a selfish player. Nobody.”

The topic is so hot that Anthony’s coach at Syracuse, Jim Boeheim, weighed in.

“To assert that Carmelo Anthony can’t play with somebody is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, and I have heard a few,” Boeheim said.

No matter what Boeheim or anyone else says, no one will know until Anthony gets on the floor, whether it be Friday night against New Orleans or at some later date.

“I know I’m not a selfish player,” Anthony said. “People around me know I’m not a selfish player. I do everything I can to make people around me understand I’m not a selfish player.”

In Washington, Ovechkin is in a slump, and at least one former teammate thinks it’s because he’s thinking about things not related to his job on the ice.

“For Alex, it’s a work ethic [issue],” said former Caps goalie Olaf Kolzig. “He just has to get back to being the way he was in his younger days and maybe not get wrapped up too much in the rock star status that comes with being Alex Ovechkin.”

Both Anthony and Ovechkin have time to show what they can do for their teams. In the meantime, they are new examples of how Lin has changed the landscape.

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TotalGamePlan offers Winner’s Workshops for schools, sports teams and businesses. The emphasis is on motivation, skill-building and teamwork. To bring a Winner’s Workshop to your group, just email coachtully@totalgameplan.com or call (973) 800-5836. To order a copy of “Ten Things Great Coaches Know,” click here.

Now there’s another New York sensation, and we can only wonder what tomorrow will look like for Jeremy Lin.

Lin owns Broadway right now. He’s led the New York Knicks to six straight wins, the latest with a last-second shot against the Toronto Raptors. He’s testing the imagination of headline writers, with some top puns reported by Sportslifer Weblog. “Amasian!” President Obama has joined Lin’s group of fans. And, in a sure sign that he has arrived, Lin was featured in a segment of “The Colbert Report.”

Only one thing can ruin the whole thing for Lin. And that’s Lin himself. His biggest battle will be keeping his perspective when everyone in the world wants to be his friend.

I’m not saying that because I think Jeremy Lin has an ego. I’m saying it because I know that everyone has an ego.

“It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others,” Andrew J. Holmes in Wisdom in Small Doses.

It’s a hard thought to grasp. That’s why basketball coach John Wooden preached doing a good deed every day. It was a way to keep in mind that life is about others.

“The mark of a champion is to be everlastingly on the lookout against the self,” said golf legend Bobby Jones.

So far all the signs are good. Lin looks and sounds very much like someone sleeping on his brother’s coach.

“The amount of fun we’re having is unbelievable,’’ Lin said. “And it’s not because of me. It’s because we’re coming close as a team.’’

Tonight Lin and the Knicks try to make it seven straight wins when they play the Sacramento Kings at Madison Square Garden. It will be a test not of Lin’s ability but of his perspective.

“There isn’t a player in the league playing better than him,” said the Knicks’ Jared Jeffries. “He’s still so humble. I don’t know how he does it.’’

The question is how long he can keep doing it.

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TotalGamePlan offers Winner’s Workshops for schools, sports teams and businesses. The emphasis is on motivation, skill-building and teamwork. To bring a Winner’s Workshop to your group, just email coachtully@totalgameplan.com or call (973) 800-5836. To order a copy of “Ten Things Great Coaches Know,” click here.

Does your team have a culture?

Remember, it’s a trick question. And the answer is yes.

Whether in sports, in business or even in your family, your group has a culture.

It may be weak or it may be strong, but it’s a culture.

It may be positive or it may be negative, but it’s a culture.

And, as this article on the Fast Company blog points out, culture eats strategy for breakfast. Culture beats rules, it beats x’s and o’s. Culture may be the most important aspect of your team.

“Teams do not go physically flat, they go mentally stale,” said football legend Vince Lombardi.

Writes Shawn Parr on the Fast Company blog, “Culture is a balanced blend of human psychology, attitudes, actions, and beliefs that combined create either pleasure or pain, serious momentum or miserable stagnation.”

My friend and co-author Gary Pritchard devote a chapter to team culture in our book “Ten Things Great Coaches Know.” We define it as “the way things are done around here.”

Parr lists the benefits that come from the right kind of culture: focus, motivation, connection, cohesion and spirit.

He also offers the following four tips for building a positive culture.

1. Dynamic and engaging leadership
2. Living values
3. Responsibility and accountability
4. Celebrating successes and failures (that’s right, celebrating failures as well as successes).

Any leader seeking peak performance from a group, or in real team-building, should check the culture.

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TotalGamePlan offers Winner’s Workshops for schools, sports teams and businesses. The emphasis is on motivation, skill-building and teamwork. To bring a Winner’s Workshop to your group, just email coachtully@totalgameplan.com or call (973) 800-5836. To order a copy of “Ten Things Great Coaches Know,” click here.

Sometime they’re the wrong goals. And other times the way in which they’re being pursued is the wrong way.

In the case of Prince Fielder and the Detroit Tigers, the second case could be true. Fielder and the Tigers just agreed on a nine-year, $214 million deal, because team owner Mike Ilitch desperately wants to add a World Series title to the Stanley Cups his Detroit Red Wings have won.

The question is: Was signing Fielder the right way to pursue that dream?

Fielder is 27 years old and approaching his prime. He weighs 275 pounds, more than 75 pounds over an ideal weight for a man his age and height. That is, pardon the pun, huge.

At the same time, Fielder has been one of the most durable players in the major leagues, having never played fewer than 157 games. Will that durability continue, or have all those games taken a toll? In short, right now Fielder looks like a good bet, but where will he be three years from now? Remember, the contract is for nine years.

Then there’s the question of lineup chemistry. Will Fielder add $214 million of value to a team that won a series in the playoffs last year? Hard to say, even harder to measure. Baseball is filled with unproven articles of faith. One of them is that adding a great hitter to a lineup makes the other hitters even better. This may well be true, but there is no way to test it. You can’t have a controlled study, with Fielder in one lineup and not in another.

Finally comes the intangible team factor. Adding Fielder assures the players that the team is willing to spend for success. That could help motivation, energy and focus in the clubhouse.

Try to imagine 2020, when Fielder’s contract would expire. What factors would help you decide if the deal was worth it? If the Tigers won even one World Series, you’d have to say yes. Two titles would make it a no-brainer.

But suppose Fielder can’t win a World Series? Would a near-miss make it all worth it? Or would the Tigers have to point to increased revenues, and yearly status as a contender?

I wish Fielder and the Tigers luck. I think their contract is better than the one the Angels gave Albert Pujols, or even than the one the Marlins gave Jose Reyes, but I believe there were better ways to pursue the goal of a World Series title.

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TotalGamePlan offers Winner’s Workshops for schools, sports teams and businesses. The emphasis is on motivation, skill-building and teamwork. To bring a Winner’s Workshop to your group, just email coachtully@totalgameplan.com or call (973) 800-5836. To order a copy of “Ten Things Great Coaches Know,” click here.

“For you,” said the pig, “bacon and eggs are a donation. For me, it’s a full commitment.”

As the AFC and NFC conference title games unfold today, coaches, fans and teammates will be able to separate the pigs from the chickens. Some players will offer total commitment, while others will make a donation now and then.

“If you don’t make a total commitment to whatever you’re doing, then you start to bail out the first time the boat starts leaking,” said former college and NFL coach Lou Holtz.

It’s one thing to enter the game with commitment. It’s another thing to hold onto it when you’ve been drilled with an NFL-style hit, say, from Ray Lewis.

It reminds you of what ex-heavyweight champ Mike Tyson said about strategy in the ring. “Everyone has a plan ’till they get punched in the mouth.”

The San Francisco 49ers can take a punch. They are in the NFC game because they stayed committed even after the New Orleans Saints stunned them with a go-ahead touchdown with just 97 seconds left.

They will face the New York Giants, who showed some commitment of their own by going to Green Bay and dominating the NCF’s top seed.

In the AFC, the Baltimore Ravens and New England Patriots will find their resolve tested as well. Whether on the line or in the open field, they will be tested in ways that would make other people walk away.

Whoever survives will get a chance to test their commitment one more time, two weeks from now in the Super Bowl. There they will play for the Lombardi trophy, named after a man who knew a little about commitment.

No matter what your interest or life pursuit, it will turn out better if you are the pig, not the chicken.

“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor,” said Vince Lombardi, who coached the packers to victory in the first two Super Bowls.

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TotalGamePlan offers Winner’s Workshops for schools, sports teams and businesses. The emphasis is on motivation, skill-building and teamwork. To bring a Winner’s Workshop to your group, just email coachtully@totalgameplan.com or call (973) 800-5836. To order a copy of “Ten Things Great Coaches Know,” click here.